Posts Tagged ‘prayer’

Do you hear me God!!! Are you listening God? I’m screaming!! Why? Why not? This is where I live some days. I just don’t get it. I don’t understand why it seems as though God is denying me something that is not only good for me but also His Kingdom!

I pray and pray for answered prayer and sometimes I hear the answer and sometimes I don’t but that never means that my prayer hasn’t been answered.

In September of 2002, I had my first miscarriage. It was such a complete shock, I had already heard the baby’s heartbeat and didn’t anticipate any issues with my pregnancy. Michael and I were both healthy and had already had two uneventful pregnancies.

As painful as it was, I knew almost immediately that we would try again. After six months with no success, I started to become panicked. What if I didn’t get pregnant again? Why do I have such a desire to have another child? Michael and I have been blessed with two beautiful sons that we adore! Why do I still feel like my arms are empty? I prayed these questions almost every night.

We started an infertility program and spent the next year riding a roller coaster ride that I wouldn’t allow us to get off. I was able to conceive two more times but lost the pregnancies early. I remember my husband trying to console me and redirect my focus back to the blessings that we had instead of what wasn’t and thought, “Oh great now your giving up!”

I had a dear friend say to me one day, “God has placed the desire for you to have a child on your heart for a reason, it just may not be the reason you think it is.”

I was stunned at this comment. I can remember lots of blinking and starting a “yeah but” reply several times. As this new idea sunk in, I started to pray in a different way, “God help me to see your will for me in this. Or, God help me find peace if it is not part of your plan for me to have another child.”

Slowly, I came to accept that another baby just wasn’t what was going to happen. My husband and I both felt mentally exhausted and had such a huge sence of release and peace when we decided to stop the infertility treatments. It was strange what I had feared for so long, giving up the control, actually brought me peace in the end.

I started to focus more on God’s plan and will for my life and cherishing some of the little things in life with my family. It was a complete shock in late November of 2005, when I missed a period and discovered I was pregnant!!

I truly believe that God’s desire was for me to put my trust in him and recline in His loving arms and when I did that, I was blessed with a beautiful baby girl on July 5th, 2006.

I wish I could say that I always trust His plan and His will for my life; there are still times that I want something so badly and don’t understand why I don’t get it! And there have been times when the answer to my prayers is not the one I prayed for. We don’t always get what we want because we pray for it, but I know that he does answer our prayers according to His will and His love for us.

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For Christmas my husband got me a Kindle. Love it! The very first book I read was “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch. Great book, loved it and I highly recommend it!

In the book Randy writes about the dreams he had as a young boy and his desire to fulfill all of those dreams before he died. One dream he had was to be an imaginer at Disney World. He was able to fulfill that dream as a young grad student and when he became a father, he planned a trip back to Disney World with his father and son, Dylan.

Just as they were getting on board the train that gives you a tour around the park, Randy’s father noticed that the engineer had seats available up next to him and made a comment about how much fun that would be for Dylan, to ride up front with the engineer. Randy watched as his father continued to board the train on a normal seat and decided to go ask the engineer if the three of them could ride with him in the front. The engineer said, “Yes, please do!”

I love that Randy didn’t hold back and just asked the question. There was a desire of the heart, so he asked. Simple. This made me think of how many questions or desires I have that never get asked because I assume I already know the answer. I know sometimes I want something so desperately for myself or my family, that I share my struggle with all of my friends but never stop to ask God.

In the bible God tells us that he will answer our prayer requests. But we need to ask. It’s not that he doesn’t know our hearts desire, he does, God wants community with us. He wants us to continually communicate with him in all things. There is no request to big or too little. He is into the little stuff just as much as the big.

We may not get the answer we want and we may not get an answer immediately, but he will answer. It will be an answer according to His will and His plan for our lives.

So, what are you waiting for? Ask! The God of the universe, your heavenly Father, is waiting to hear from you and would love to answer your questions.
Matthew 21:22 (NIV)
If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

Some days feel like all I have gathered up are missed opportunities. Missed opportunities with my kids. Good job honey, I can tell you are trying and I am proud of you. Awesome Job on the test! I knew you could do it! Way to go, you got the potty in the potty!

It happens with my husband, girl friends, sisters, neighbors and strangers too. It could be as simple as the missed opportunity of sharing a kind smile or hello. Or something deeper like the chance to connect with a loved one and forgive and forget.

It is days like these that hurt me the most. I want to build into my children, husband, other family and friends. And when I don’t, I cheat myself out of seeing the power of life giving thoughts and words.

I know that today won’t be the last day I feel this way but my prayer is that as I move through tomorrow I recognize the opportunity when it happens and that I then pull myself back on track and seize the moment!

Today is a Monday. I don’t know about you but Mondays tend to be pretty crazy for me and my family. I am going to try and start off my week staying tuned into as many opportunities that come my way today!!!

I hope you will join me!