Posts Tagged ‘family’

Last week was an especially busy week, end of summer, last minute school supply shopping, orientations, school starting and football for my boys. On one of those nights my oldest son had his first football game of the season and my youngest had her preschool orientation right after the game. It was a surreal experience to go from yelling at the football game for my oldest to “get em”…. To “and this is how we make the play dough” at the preschool orientation. I had a moment. Oh yeah, a moment. It was the first time I felt the difference in the age of my oldest and youngest and it truly caught me off guard. It was the realization that my son is not a toddler in anyway, shape or form anymore. My brain has known this for awhile but it has not been talking to my heart.

And then I started to weep. I think most of the other parents were frightened and I may have just decreased the school enrollment by 20. The teachers all thought it was about my daughter starting preschool but that wasn’t it at all. It was the knowing. Knowing what was coming and just how fast it comes. I keep telling myself it is a great time in his life and to celebrate it. So I am celebrating through my tears. I smile thinking of the little guy who used to come running down stairs after his bath every night saying, I’m clean, I’m clean, smell me… and now when we stand face to face and he can look me square in the eye, honestly, it breaks my heart. In my soul I want to scream STOP. Stop growing up and away from me. This may be the toughest part of parenting for me. Sometimes I think the nights of no sleep, temper tantrums, and cleaning up vomit was just part of the “training camp” for the real parenting, the letting go part.

I am proud of the young man he has become and can’t wait for the man I know he will be (well, I mean, I can wait…) but I will miss my little boy. I am praying that it gets easier with each one, but my brain is telling my heart, “I don’t think so…”
Great, now they start to communicate!

My husband and I have been married for 18 years, 10 months and 6 days or 165,238 hours and counting, of married life have passed us by, all in an instant. When I think back to the young couple of 165,238 hours ago, they seem sometimes to be more like long lost friends. We started dating the summer before our senior year in high school and after the first year, getting married eventually was always part of our long term plan.

I always knew I wanted to be married and have children but I also had grown up in a time when having a career and being successful on my own was seen as a must, otherwise you were a woman living subservient to your husband and all men. I received my degree in Psychology with a minor in journalism and a few years later went on to get my Masters degree in Public Administration. I was on my way, establishing my career and putting a family on hold.

We were the generation of DINK…(dual income no kids), through most of the late 80’s and early 90’s women were breaking the glass ceiling and as a women we were being told by the media, that women can and should have successful careers and a well balanced family life. Focusing on your career and focusing equally on having and raising children was possible and those who couldn’t and choose to stay home with their children were taking all women backward! Thank goodness I didn’t buy into this.

It can be such a paradigm; it is like we are expected to be superwomen. Men were not expected to do it ALL and do it all successfully. I believe that is why so many women today have waited to get married. They are focusing on their careers, realizing you can’t do everything, and by the time they feel established in their career, they are in their 40’s and alone.

For me it has all been about balance and still is today. I have my degrees and my husband and I decided when our first child was 18 months old, that I would stay home with him. It is not a glamorous life but my children do give me a lot of material to write about. I still struggle with finding balance and keeping negative thoughts about what I should or should not be doing with my life, out of my head.

I believe the missing message for women today, in part, is that you can get married young, or wait. You can get your degree and use it immediately or wait. You can start a family as a young couple or wait. The beauty of our lives as women today is that we HAVE options. No need to panic if you need to wait on meeting the guy right for you.

The second part of the missing message is, we are all flawed and broken. There has only been one Mr. Perfect, and he is not looking to get married. But he would love to have a relationship with you and the best part he already loves you more than any other human being ever will!!!!

I bet there are people who live their lives never thinking to themselves…”Did I just say that out loud??” Unfortunately, for me and those around me, I am not one of those lucky few. When I celebrated Christmas this year with my family, I heard those words running through my head again!

Every Christmas, my mom, my two sisters and I, plan a day for the four of us to go to lunch together and have time away from the chaos of the kids and men! This year was no different, as we headed out to lunch the conversation turned toward my blog and my writing. This is where the brilliance happened.

I was telling them about the different ideas I had on topics I wanted to write about when I shared my most recent idea, an idea that wasn’t completely thought out, yet. “We all ruin our kids, we may not mean to and we do the best that we can but in the end, we ruin them.” Ahhh, yes…my two sisters and my MOM are in the car, remember. As my sisters heads spun around backwards simultaneously to looks at me (and with no audible words the both said, “No you did not just say that!”) I sheepishly, glanced over at my mom sitting next to me who was now repositioning herself in her seat to look at me straight on and I said “I mean we all do it….its not on purpose….”

Her response was, “Really, so tell me how your Father and I ruined you?” I glanced toward the front seat and noticed that my sisters had both become consumed by the beautiful Iowa scenery outside of the car, actually it was more like a longing to be anywhere other than in our car.

Did I mention that the idea was not completely thought out? We did survive our lunch together, there were beautiful gifts given at lunch and that helped!! I don’t know if my mom really ever understood what I meant but I will try to explain.

I have a lot of really bad habits and sinful ways. Things I am not proud of and I know without a shadow of a doubt I am passing on some of those things to my children. I could be a much better communicator. My children will learn how to communicate relationally from my husband and me. We are their examples and we are imperfect! But we are not the only ones. The only human being to be perfect was Jesus, so, I am making the leap that anyone who is a parent is going to pass on some bad habits!

Maybe ruin was too strong of a word. I truly believe that it is not intentional but that it is human nature. As parents, I know that Michael and I are doing the best that we can and are committed to keep trying and be the best examples that we can for our kids. But, we will fail at times and maybe the best thing we can do is tell our kids when we screw up and let them know it is ok to make mistakes but get right back in the race.

Establishing some type of counseling fund wouldn’t hurt either! In the end we are all damaged goods but Glory to God that we have a Savior who loves us no matter how damaged or ruined we are!!

My favorite valentine memory, hands down, is the Valentine of 1990. I was a junior in college at the University of Northern Iowa and my boyfriend, Michael, was a junior at Iowa State University. We had started dating the summer before our senior years in High School. Although we were at different colleges we spent most weekends together, either at each other’s schools or back at home.
On Valentine’s Day 1990, there was a horrible snow storm and Valentine’s Day was on a Tuesday. It seemed as if Michael and I would not get to see each other this Valentine’s Day. But he had other plans!! Even though there was a snow storm he drove to my college picked me up, drove to our home town, about an hour away and took me out to dinner!
It was a great dinner and before we started our trek back to my school, Michael needed to pick something up at his home. As we got to his house he told me he had a song he wanted to play for me on the piano. I was getting a little nervous about the weather and his drive back to his school but agreed to hear the song.
He had written a song for me, he told me to close my eyes and listen to the song. It was beautiful and at the end he asked me to marry him!!!!
What I didn’t know but was about to find out, was that our parents, grandparents and siblings some with spouses(and babies), were all downstairs listening to the whole thing!!! It was a great celebration!
One more thing, Michael had hidden a video camera in a laundry basket and videotaped the whole thing!
It is not only a Valentine memory I will never forget but one that I cherish very much.
Michael and I have been married for almost 19 years and have three beautiful children. God has blessed us beyond measure.

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I need to learn to shut my mouth. Lots of times it gets me into trouble. Sometimes I know I have said the wrong thing and other times I don’t. Lots of times I think I am being so funny and usually I am getting a laugh at someone else’s expense.
Who wants to get to know me now? Yuk. The worst part about this is that the ones that are affected the most are the people I hold closest to me.

“If you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say anything at all” great words to live by but the problem with that, if you are a person like me is that at the time you don’t think you are being mean or not nice. I actually tend to think I am adding levity to a situation or getting people to like me.

Several years ago I did a personality profile on myself using Florence Littauer’s Personality plus book and found out that I am a Sanguine personality with a bit of Choleric thrown in for good measure. The Sanguine personality is popular. But on the inside this personality is driven by the idea of being liked by everyone, so much so that a person may adjust there value’s just to be liked. The struggle that I have faced most of my life is the ability/need to be chameleon like when it came to interacting with different groups of people. Eventually it wasn’t a struggle and something that I became very good at and almost never realized it was happening. In my case, another side effect to my Sanguine personality is the uncanny ability to throw anyone “under the bus” for a laugh.

The Choleric personality tends to be leaders or people in leadership roles. So basically what you have with me is a bossy, loud mouthed, insecure, pain in the you know what!!!

So, now what? Just chalk it up to that’s just the way God made me? Fortunately for my family and friends, no. I am committed to being a Sanguine/Choleric person who loves to tell a good joke at no one’s expense and can lead everyone through a good game of Twister. Also, fortunately for me, I am surrounded by people who love me so much that they know when to tell me I’ve screwed up and keep on forgiving me.

If you are as lucky as me to have someone who will tell you, in love, when they think you are wrong or you have hurt someone, embrace it!!! This truly is a gift from God. As sinners we can attempt to tune out God (for short periods of time) but a girlfriend getting in your face and breaking it down for you, is hard to ignore!

Become aware of the affects of your actions good and bad. We are all imperfect but it is in the awareness where we can really get our good work done.

Dedicated in love, to my husband and Trac

Psalm 19: 14 (NIV) May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

We don’t always know the impact we may have on someone and we may not know the impact someone has on us until a much later date. My older brother had a huge impact on my eternal life, actually on my whole family’s eternal lives. He became a Christian while attending college. He came home with all these strange ideas about a relationship with Christ and being born again. I am pretty sure my parents first reaction was one of concern, has he joined a cult, and then just annoyance because of their own ignorance at the time.

I was 15 years old when my family traveled to Minnesota to visit my brother at college and attend this Christian Concert he kept talking about. That night at the concert I accepted Christ as my savior! Praise God!! I wish I could say my life immediately turned around, but it didn’t, Christ waited and continued to have people plant seeds in my life.

If you think about the impact my brother has had on Gods Kingdom it is amazing. My family and all of our children, our children’s children, etc. My brother had a very successful career in broadcasting, I am sure he was planting seeds then too. And today he is a realtor and football coach which gives him the opportunity to meet many different kinds of people. I am confident God continues to use him.

During bible study recently the speaker made a statement that has stuck with me. She was talking about how non-believers see Christians ad she said this, “Our relationship with Christ doesn’t matter, what matters is our resemblance to him.” As a believer my relationship with Christ is the most important thing in my walk with him. As a non-believer, a person doesn’t really care about my personal relationship I have but they can be intrigued with the way I react to certain situations and crisis that comes my way. You just don’t know and can’t imagine the impact that one simple gesture or kind word that can help leads a person to Christ. The way we present ourselves as Christians is of the utmost importance. It is never about me or you. It is so much bigger than that. It isn’t about rule keeping or rule breaking. It isn’t about passing judgment or being the judge and jury. It isn’t about a pulpit and the numbers of people who hear you preach. It is about Love. Love that makes a person curious, love that is free flowing, and love that is always present and shows itself first when conflict arises. Love that demonstrates itself in a simple gesture, which can lead to a question, and then to a conversation, that then plants a seed.
Our desire to resemble Christ can have a huge Impact. This Thanksgiving impact is what I am thankful for. I pray that my actions will follow my hearts desire and I will have impact with my family, friends, strangers, believers and non-believers.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34 (NIV)

There are days when I don’t actually like myself very much. I know who I want to be and how I want others to see me but that doesn’t seem to be who I am.

Most of my family gets to experience who I am, unfortunately. I have such big plans for the type of mom, wife, sister, daughter and friend that I want to be. It seems like most of the time I can get in a zone and be really good at one of these but the others pretty much go neglected. All to often I lose it with my kids or my husband or I share something with someone that really wasn’t my information to share!!! Ugh!

Some may say that being “aware” of this is a step in the right direction. It is just so disappointing to me. There are times when I become “aware” that I am not behaving the way my heart truly desires and I do it anyway!!!

Recently, I was trying to teach my 3 year old daughter this very basic concept, “if you know it is wrong then don’t do it.” We had just adopted a stray kitten into our family and Layla and the kitten really didn’t hit it off. Actually, there was a lot of hitting, carrying by the neck and tail pulling going on. Bet you can guess who was doing all of the abuse! One particular time when she had gotten into trouble for the hitting I told her she was not allowed to touch the kitten for the rest of the day. She looked directly at me stuck out her index finger, slowly moved toward the kitten and touched her!! She knew she wasn’t supposed to do it but she did it anyway! Sigh….

The good news is, that God forgives my failure as long as I repent and have a heart that truly desires to get it right.
Thank you Lord for loving me even though I am disobedient most of the time. I continually remind myself that who I am is, a treasured child of God!!!

Oh, and by the way, Layla and the kitten continue to work it out. It’s not perfect but the kitten seems to forgive her because every night I find the kitten snuggled up against Layla in her bed.

Ephesians 2:4-5
“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”