Posts Tagged ‘equallity’

When do I get to be the adult???…When do I get to be part of the decisions made in this family?…When will you start listening to me?…I have screamed these words in my head and out loud way too many times in my life!

I have spent a good deal of my marriage feeling like that…and as much as I want to blame my husband for making me feel that way, I have to own 80 percent of it.. Ugh! I hate that! But it is the truth.

What I discovered recently is that when I enable a particular behavior in my beloved husband like making decisions that affect our family, without my input, it only teaches him that it is ok and he can do it again.

Why you may ask, why would you enable such a behavior? If it were only that simple of a situation…If you are in any kind of a relationship and have been in that relationship for longer than a year…you may have come across some issues that you have either agreed to disagree on or simply avoid because you don’t agree! I have chosen the later more often than not, most of my life.

Some days it is just to wearing, pushing my point or my view on a particular decision we are trying to make…he may have 100 different reasons why we should or shouldn’t and I will have to hear them all…its wearing…with three kids…3 busy schedules….beyond mine…a husband whose commute is 3 hours round trip everyday…trying to find time to write…..I just don’t have the patience to listen to why he thinks the way he does(besides he is wrong anyway!!) So I shut down, stop listening and say do whatever you want…

Wrong answer!!!!

I have learned that I need to feel like my opinions on the decision need to be heard and expressed. When this does happen, the decision we make, either his opinion or mine, doesn’t really matter to me because I feel like I am appreciated and my opinion is valued!! I know Michael would tell me that he does appreciate me and of course, my opinion is valued, but nothing beats feeling like He heard me and listened to me!

Don’t get me wrong Michael and I still struggle with this on a daily basis but knowing what I need is half the battle, now I just need to hold my ground even on the days I don’t feel like I can!!!