Posts Tagged ‘communication’

I can remember when I became a teenager, a switch in me from liking my parents to complete mortification when ever they were around. Eating out was a completely different experience. If I was alone with them, meaning that I was just with my family and no other normal people (my friends), I would totally “Valley Girl” out on them…

“It would be like totally gag me, these people are such a bunch of lame hosers. Like, don’t have a cow mom and dad, I want to get out of here and go hang with my friends, you guys are like, so barf me out, like, I can’t even handle this!!!
Sitting with them was never an option if I had a “Valley” with me, I mean they were totally embarrassing. Gag!”

So I shouldn’t be surprised when my own teenager starts to pull away, right? I mean I am a totally cool mom, totally, but I guess I’m not “Legit”???!!

Legit
1. (adj.) A modern synonym for words such as “cool,” “ill,” “tight,” or “dope.” Used to describe a noun that is of a particularly excellent quality. The slang use of this term is slowly but steadily increasing in popularity. Per the online, Urban Dictionary.

The other day at the pool when Jacob picked out a whole different area to put his towel and stuff, I thought to myself, what….what…wha…oh. The funny thing is I of course, being the totally cool mom that I am, would not leave him alone. He thought this was really funny, not. But he would text with me, and believe it or not we had a great conversation about a girl he likes and some of the other drama in his life. It isn’t the perfect scenario but I will take it. If he needs his space I will give it to him, kinda.

It was shocking to me the other day when I had him get on the phone and wish his 17 year old cousin happy birthday, and he struggle for anything to say to him. I’m sure that my excited, smiling face two inches from Jacob’s face, had nothing to do with his loss for words. I can remember talking on the phone for hours with my friends, much to my parent’s dismay.

On a serious note, all though I am grateful that he would text with me, I do feel that he and my other children are going to be part of a generation that struggles with face to face, one on one communication and this worries me. Texts and emails don’t allow you to hear the tone in a person’s voice when they write the message. As someone who typically speaks with lots of sarcasm this can be a huge stumbling block. My humor gets lost on the person and they are either pissed off or really confused.

When my son got his phone I can remember telling him to never text something to someone that you wouldn’t say to them in person. When we can hide behind our phones or computers screens, fear and civility can completely disappear. I am hoping that my advice and constant reminding will help Jake make the right decisions when texting and I am dedicated to becoming “Legit” in his eyes. Pray for me.

When do I get to be the adult???…When do I get to be part of the decisions made in this family?…When will you start listening to me?…I have screamed these words in my head and out loud way too many times in my life!

I have spent a good deal of my marriage feeling like that…and as much as I want to blame my husband for making me feel that way, I have to own 80 percent of it.. Ugh! I hate that! But it is the truth.

What I discovered recently is that when I enable a particular behavior in my beloved husband like making decisions that affect our family, without my input, it only teaches him that it is ok and he can do it again.

Why you may ask, why would you enable such a behavior? If it were only that simple of a situation…If you are in any kind of a relationship and have been in that relationship for longer than a year…you may have come across some issues that you have either agreed to disagree on or simply avoid because you don’t agree! I have chosen the later more often than not, most of my life.

Some days it is just to wearing, pushing my point or my view on a particular decision we are trying to make…he may have 100 different reasons why we should or shouldn’t and I will have to hear them all…its wearing…with three kids…3 busy schedules….beyond mine…a husband whose commute is 3 hours round trip everyday…trying to find time to write…..I just don’t have the patience to listen to why he thinks the way he does(besides he is wrong anyway!!) So I shut down, stop listening and say do whatever you want…

Wrong answer!!!!

I have learned that I need to feel like my opinions on the decision need to be heard and expressed. When this does happen, the decision we make, either his opinion or mine, doesn’t really matter to me because I feel like I am appreciated and my opinion is valued!! I know Michael would tell me that he does appreciate me and of course, my opinion is valued, but nothing beats feeling like He heard me and listened to me!

Don’t get me wrong Michael and I still struggle with this on a daily basis but knowing what I need is half the battle, now I just need to hold my ground even on the days I don’t feel like I can!!!