As I write this my oldest son is on his 7th grade class trip to St. Louis. I really miss him. It’s not that we haven’t ever been apart and we are texting each other, something just feels different about this trip.
Maybe I should back up a bit. Last week as we were getting his stuff ready for the trip I surprised him with some of his favorite brownies to take with him to have in the room for a snack!!! What a great mom, I am!!! Wrong. He just looked at me like I was crazy and said, “I’m not taking those…” I thought wow; he is trying to eat healthier. I then informed him that I had washed his favorite pillow case so he could have it on the bus….ah, no, he didn’t plan on taking his pillow. Since he has been gone I have texted him several times wanting to know how it is going, who is he rooming with, did he take a shower….and can you believe all I am getting back are one word replies!!!
Later after thinking about the last few days and how he seems to be changing, I realized that this is just another part of him growing up and becoming his own person. My husband and I have always desired our children to be more independent….but now that it is happening…it is scary to me. I know these are very slight little things but it is like when a baby learns to roll over or sit themselves up, it is the first step in learning how to walk and in this case walk away.
It is what we try to prepare them for their whole lives. But I don’t think I have spent enough time preparing myself for when it really happens. I do not want to be the mother who does not know her boundaries but geez where did the time go…ok, ok, a little melodramatic. I still have 5 years until he is 18 and at least another 10 until he starts to seriously date, right? UGH! This is not going to go well. I have really got to get myself prepared….for letting go.